How I finally Settled on a Method for Incorporating Local Language

In the previous post on language, I discussed the challenges, history and the importance of making local language apart of the story of Janjay. My manuscript was assessed by an industry leader in children's literature and she helped me developed the plot by expanding upon the story. Because the story had become longer, she showed me how I could best incorporate the language. Placing the meanings in parenthesis proved to be distracting for young readers. Instead, she advised that since the story had become longer, the reader would be able to grasp the meanings within the dialogue by context clues surrounding the text.

I'll give the example I used in the first post on this topic:

Original Sentence in the initial draft:

‘Janjay had gone down to a neighborhood chopshop (small restaurant) to pick up some paw-paw (papaya) pie The shop owner Ms. Asatu was known around town for having the best paw-paw pie. It was Janjay’s favorite Pie’.

Final Revision:

‘Janjay had gone down to a neighborhood chopshop to pick up some paw-paw pie. The shop owner, Ms. Asatu, was known around town for baking the best pie. Janjay loved the succulent flavor of papaya which popped out with every mouthful’.

You'll notice, I eliminated the parenthesis with the meaning of the word and instead followed the sentence with standard American English, using the word papaya and adjectives to provide context.

I found this method to be more effective and will enrich the overall story.